Brooding 1

At first the memories Clint had of his time under Loki’s control were hazy, veiled, seen as though through a fog, but as time went on he began to catch glimpses of clearer vision – moments of lucidity when he could recall every detail of what had happened – and he began to suspect that while in the capricious god’s thrall, his mind at least had not been compromised. He could not have functioned as Loki’s right-hand man, after all, if he had not had his wits about him. Loki had somehow managed to change Clint’s loyalty without damaging the rest of his heart and soul. For that, Clint thought with bitter irony, he should probably be grateful. It allowed him to resume working for S.H.I.E.L.D. without having to endure too many rigorous psychological evaluations.

When he had first recovered from being under Loki’s influence, he had been filled with too much rage at the violation to even want to remember what had happened; later he had dreaded remembering for fear he would become paralyzed with guilt at what he had done, despite the fact that he had been rendered incapable of disobeying Loki’s orders. But now, with the distance of several weeks and some mandatory (if half-hearted) attempts to open up and talk to the agency’s psychiatrist about his trauma, Clint was growing more curious about the details of his involvement. He had put his knowledge of the Tesseract immediately to use for his new master; what other sensitive, classified information had he divulged to Loki? Though she would not elaborate, Natasha had let slip that Loki had obtained information on her through Clint; what personal secrets of his comrades had he blabbed to the would-be world dictator?

With such questions nagging at him, Clint Barton finally decided to undergo hypnosis therapy in an attempt to unlock his stored memories or, at the very least, to make some of that blurry haze come into clearer focus. He informed Nick Fury of his decision and was met with resounding approval; when he told Natasha, the reaction was more ambivalent.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” she asked, concern shadowing her eyes. “Once you remember certain things, it’s not like you can un-remember them.”

“If it even works at all, you mean,” he’d countered. “I need to do this, Tasha. I need to know how much information I gave Loki.”

“What for? It’s not going to make you feel any better. And Thor assured us that Loki would never be allowed to leave Asgard again – he isn’t going to be a threat anymore. So why do it?”

“I… I just have to,” Clint answered, struggling to explain himself. “There’s this whole block of time that I don’t remember – not clearly, anyway – and if I don’t get it back, I would feel like Loki still controls that part of me… even though it’s in the past. I want to get back what he took from me. All of it.”

Natasha nodded at last, understanding his reasoning even if she did not agree with it. Clint would soon come to realize that she had been right to warn him against this course of action, but by then the damage would have already been done.

 


 

The first impression Clint had after coming out of hypnosis was confusion and disorientation. The hypnotherapist S.H.I.E.L.D. had assigned to his case gently reminded him where he was and why, allowing him to acclimate himself gradually to the present.

“Do you remember what happened after the incident at the Tesseract research facility?” the psychiatrist prodded once Clint had regained his bearings.

“Yes… Yes, I remember everything. Like it was yesterday.” Clint licked his lips, which felt dry. He’d been under hypnosis for almost two hours, and he realized he must have been talking almost the whole time. “What did I tell you?”

The psychiatrist smiled. “Quite a lot. But don’t worry – I have top-level security clearance.” The older man adjusted his glasses and added, “I also have a sworn duty to my patients not to disclose anything we speak about here. Not even to our employer. But I can let you have a copy of the recording of our session so you know exactly what we did today. I think we broke through the dam in your mind, the barrier your captor had set up to prevent you from accessing your memories once you regained control of your faculties. You should now be able to remember anything and everything you wish to from that time. That being said, I should warn you… you’ve been violated. In almost every way possible. Even in some ways we Humans had not known were possible before. You’ll need time to adjust to your memories – at least as much time as it took to make them. So I’m putting in a medical order for a leave of absence.”

Clint opened his mouth to protest but no sound came out. He had just had a flashback of green eyes, and echoes of laughter, and–

“Oh, God!” he gasped. “He didn’t…!

“I’m afraid so,” the therapist said with a strained expression. “Your captor forced you to engage in sex acts with him.”

Clint wanted to vomit, but he swallowed hard and put his head down, nearly to his knees, and gripped his short hair in both hands. He was seeing – no, reliving – wrestling with Loki in a wide bed, getting tangled in the sheets as he scrabbled to unclothe the other man, who turned to him with a leer and a laugh as Clint’s too-hasty hands tore the fabric of the silk shirt he was wearing.

“My, my… What a beast you are in bed,” Loki had teased with a cluck of his tongue. “I rather like it.”

“Let me fuck you, Sir,” Clint heard his own voice saying, thick and rough with lust.

“But of course. That’s the whole idea,” Loki replied, then languidly turned over onto all fours and spread his knees to make room for his lover/slave between them. As Clint hurried to undo his trousers and push them down, his erect cock leaking precome, Loki reached behind to place a slender finger at his hole. Clint saw a shimmer of green-blue that he knew (without knowing how he knew) was magic: Loki was conjuring oil and preparing himself for penetration. As the memory replayed in Clint’s mind, he watched in disgusted horror as his former self eagerly entered the orifice and began rutting like the beast Loki had called him. Clint could actually feel his cock sliding in and out of the other man’s ass, remember every nuance of the heat and friction, how Loki clenched his hole as if to wring out every last drop of come from Clint’s straining cock, pushing back against each thrust to drive their union that much deeper – and suddenly Clint was coming, shooting his load into Loki’s body, crying out with a pleasure more intense than anything else he had ever experienced.

“That was wonderful, my Hawk,” Loki purred as he sank down to lie flat on the bed, taking Clint with him.

“No,” Clint said aloud, and the way his hollow voice echoed in the therapist’s room brought him back into the here and now. “No, goddammit!

“Agent Barton,” the therapist’s calm voice called, with just enough hint of authority to help him pull himself together. “As you remember certain events, especially the traumatic ones, you have to give yourself time to process them and… grieve. For you, it’s like they’re happening for the first time now. Let yourself be angry – take that anger out in constructive ways – but don’t let the memories make you feel powerless. You have done everything you can to deal with your situation. In fact you’ve proven yourself to be braver than most by trying to unlock your memories, even when you knew they would bring you no comfort. You are not helpless. And you are most certainly not alone in this. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Clint finally answered, still dazed. “I just… need time to… process… everything.”

“That’s right. And if you need to talk, you can call me at this number… anytime.” When Clint nodded, the psychiatrist reiterated, “You are not alone, Agent Barton. You’re strong; you’ll get through this.”

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2 Comments

  1. cheyennesunrise

     /  2014/05/10

    I love it so far, Thea! I always thought that Loki’s mind control staff could be used for more… nefarious purposes. 😉

    Reply
    • See, you and I have minds that go straight to the naughty place and play in the dirt! 😉
      Hope you like how this turns out!

      Reply

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